Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
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You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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