i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Never joke about your clitoris.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize