oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
