Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
why do cheetos always look like penises
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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