She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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