How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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