too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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