I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The uberlube is also flammable
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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