I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
