Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
