Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
