I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
