I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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