After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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