my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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