I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
