....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I could make wine with my vomit
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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