ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
