Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
