New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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