The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
