I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize