Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she pinky promised me she was 18
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
