Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
