you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
