Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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