I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
