it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
