and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
