i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
