i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
