if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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