I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
