FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
