Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
