you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
