I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why is there bacon in the couch?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
