Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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