tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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