you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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