she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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