You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
