1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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