Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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