just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
