I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
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