I don't usually arrange sex via text message
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
