one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
