So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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