so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
