new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
