she woke up with a sticky ear
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
