All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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