whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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