Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
