okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
