Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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