Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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