i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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