I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
