i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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