Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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