I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
