Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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