is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
